Decide my destiny....

Today I realized that even though I hold my own destiny that I do not believe under any circumstances that I would like to know what it is. You see I am constantly wondering "if". That is right, I am always asking myself, "what if?" I am tired of asking this question and am now thinking that I would like to just start being a little more bold and change my question to, "now what?".
I have not been shy in trying to accomplish things. Yesterday after floating in a tube down the New River (in Virginia), getting the front of my body scraped up by pointy rocks, scratchy seaweed, and having super red skin, I found a leech stuck to the back of my leg. I did not freak out instead (and my dad would have been so proud), I burnt it off. Now I have a small purple hickey from a leech on the back of my leg that goes so well with the red scratches and sunburn. I didn't freak when trying to change out of my swimsuit my friend started to laugh at my leech predicament and drop the towel that was surrounding me so that my co-workers could see my naked ass. Oh well (even though it was somewhat embarrassing) I let them have the opportunity to see the moon. What better thing is there? Ha ha.
There is someone I like. Have for awhile now and I do not get to see him much. I am not sure as what I should do. I am going to be around him for another couple of days and then it is back to being hundreds of miles apart until September. I sometimes feel a bit of flirtation going on but since he hasn't made the move, I am hesitant. What should I do?

Why don't you all decide my destiny....

Love OR Lust

Love

Lust

When it comes to a man (or for others a woman) which of these words should you choose when there is affection towards another? I often wonder what my feelings are towards the one that I "lust" for. Is it in the noun sense of this word (ie. animalism, carnality, desire, excitement, hunger, sensuality, urge, weakness)? Or does my feelings tide more towards the verb (ie. ache, crave, hunger for, need, pine, thirst, want, wish, yearn)?

There is one that I have these feelings for, one that is unaware of what I feel. What is it that discourages me to carry this word to the next level?

Love

I am beginning to think that my feelings fear what are purely feelings of "love". Maybe it is these that are holding me back?

Affection, appreciation, devotion, emotion, enjoyment, fervor, fondness, infatuation, passion, yearning, zeal.

Why can I not express, cherish, deify, exalt, fancy, glorify, hold dear, idolize, prize, treasure, worship?

I can only be honest with myself. To others my honesty is that I lust for someone who I want to love. Someone who does not know my feelings as I am afraid to express. I truly have a fear to let him know.

What do you think?

Created a Blog!

Wow, my father would be so proud, literally. I created a Blog today. I didn't even know what a blog was until about 20 minutes ago and here I am already putting up my first post.
It amazes me that over 20 years ago I was spending my first few minutes on the computer. I actually had a subscription to some magazine (I cannot even remember the name) where you could go and input all these letters and directions so that you could create your own games in DOS. It was the coolest thing as a kid.
I am still not sure as to what I am to do with this or why for that matter. I do have to say that I would not have even thought about this adventure if it were not for http://www.howstuffworks.com this I found to be a cool site (as well as very entertaining if you are bored). Anyway, hopefully I will be able to figure out some more things. I know that there is a lot for me to comprehend when it comes to "Blogging" but, WOW I did it! I will leave you with a favorite quote, it was asked to Thomas Edison from a reporter when he was inventing the lightbulb. Thomas tried more than two thousand experiments before he got the lightbulb to work. The reporter asked him how it felt to fail so many times, he replied,

"I didn't fail. I just discovered two thousand ways how NOT to make a lightbulb."

I will leave you all with that to ponder and if you want to know how a lightbulb works just check out the site I have above it is a great site to pass the time (especially if you are bored).

~Ra